Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
