my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
