T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Omg I joined a choir last night...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
