You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
