how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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