yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There r osticjed everywhere
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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