I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
