Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
pray to the hookup gods
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My feet surprised me
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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