yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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