he puts the penis in happiness.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
