Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm like, not good at living.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
