i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i now understand why vodka
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
