just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
