My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize