didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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