i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
