well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
