i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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