so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
