i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
