Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
