he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
