Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
