I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Randomize
