Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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