You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My ATM looks so different sober.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
