Kiss
Puke
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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