Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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