just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
