i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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