it wasn't lemon gatorade
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
