Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Dicks are not precious.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
