Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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