Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
