Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
