Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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