Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
