just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
