All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
