is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
