Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
