there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
