To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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