plz talk dirty to me
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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