I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
