i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
