Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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