rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
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Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
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Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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