I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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