You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm always down for nudity.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
