Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
