I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
