I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
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I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
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So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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