Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
