I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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