I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
