So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
