the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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