Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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