It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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