I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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