just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I will pee on everything he values.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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