meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
