They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I bet he comes in French.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
