She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
