ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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