ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
