So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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