he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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