I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
