I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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