it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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